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One of the tools that I have is writing and I think I need to do this, not necessarily so all of you can read it...but just for the cathartic experience I am having.
My life is an utter rat race...I'm running from here to there, never sitting still for 5 minutes to watch the grass grow, smell the roses or to appreciate life for what it is. This is my downfall...Apparently it is because I'm not comfortable in my own skin. Therefore if I'm constantly running, I don't have to think about anything else...it's do, do, do...go..go...go
The series of events this weekend...if I'm left in my negative headspace could go like this....I went out Saturday night, stayed out late...decided not to go to my meeting, slept in...spent too long at the grocery store and then got in the accident. If I would have done things differently...stayed home Saturday night...got up when I was supposed to Sunday morning and gone to my meeting the whole series of events wouldn't have happened. But that's not how it went.
Now I need to take a step back and reevaluate everything that is happened and be thankful and greatful for what this has done for me. I need to be thankful that no one was hurt. I need to be greatful that I was able to walk away from this incident with minor issues as far as my health is concerned.
These are the cards I was dealt and I need to deal with what was given. I'm lucky to be alive as this could have been much worse.
What this is teaching me is patience...that things are not going to happen when I want them too and how I want them to happen...it's going to happen when they happen. Also and I have mentioned this....letting go of shit....I have been grappling with this problem for a long time...and I really think what happened Sunday jarred me into reality of this...and I need to take it as a wake up call....Monday I was in such a foul mood because of the series of events...I had spiraled down into this negative headspace where I was thinking, old people shouldn't be allowed to drive, he is an asshole, my car was perfectly fine...and now I'm not gonna get shit for it.
I have come to the realization, even though they haven't come out and told me yet....that the car is probably going to be totalled...I have had to sit with that for a few days. It's finally sinking in...let it go...I am...this could be someones way of saying, be lucky you get what you get for it, because there is nothing saying that the car wasn't going to crap out next week...I doubt it would have but nonetheless I need to look at it that way.
Life is too short and precious to get all wound up in the minutia of the drama, I need to remember that and think about that every day. I think this is also teaching me not to dwell on the negative like I used to...the things that come to mind are things such as my old sponsee who still ignores me when I see him at meetings and doesn't apologize for his shitty behavior to me...This also could apply to a friend who I used to be really close with who we are no longer on speaking terms, because we just drifted apart...who is on here. It would be nice ot rekindle that friendship because we used to be so close, if it happens it happens.
I know this might sound like a bunch of hooey to most of you who read this, but I really think that this has probably mellowed me out and hopefully has made me a better person and to finally chill the F out.
Hey if you got all the way through this and it makes sense to you..more power too you, you know where I'm coming from...and no...I'm not on my drug cocktail from this weekend.
Just so you know, the hospital on sunday gave me ibuprofen, valium and percocet...which I still have some of....it was nice...Mr. Sleepyhead.
Alright, enough already...thank you god that I'm alive and well and not sitting in a hospital with injuries and that my back is ok....you don't know how greatful I am for that.
My life is an utter rat race...I'm running from here to there, never sitting still for 5 minutes to watch the grass grow, smell the roses or to appreciate life for what it is. This is my downfall...Apparently it is because I'm not comfortable in my own skin. Therefore if I'm constantly running, I don't have to think about anything else...it's do, do, do...go..go...go
The series of events this weekend...if I'm left in my negative headspace could go like this....I went out Saturday night, stayed out late...decided not to go to my meeting, slept in...spent too long at the grocery store and then got in the accident. If I would have done things differently...stayed home Saturday night...got up when I was supposed to Sunday morning and gone to my meeting the whole series of events wouldn't have happened. But that's not how it went.
Now I need to take a step back and reevaluate everything that is happened and be thankful and greatful for what this has done for me. I need to be thankful that no one was hurt. I need to be greatful that I was able to walk away from this incident with minor issues as far as my health is concerned.
These are the cards I was dealt and I need to deal with what was given. I'm lucky to be alive as this could have been much worse.
What this is teaching me is patience...that things are not going to happen when I want them too and how I want them to happen...it's going to happen when they happen. Also and I have mentioned this....letting go of shit....I have been grappling with this problem for a long time...and I really think what happened Sunday jarred me into reality of this...and I need to take it as a wake up call....Monday I was in such a foul mood because of the series of events...I had spiraled down into this negative headspace where I was thinking, old people shouldn't be allowed to drive, he is an asshole, my car was perfectly fine...and now I'm not gonna get shit for it.
I have come to the realization, even though they haven't come out and told me yet....that the car is probably going to be totalled...I have had to sit with that for a few days. It's finally sinking in...let it go...I am...this could be someones way of saying, be lucky you get what you get for it, because there is nothing saying that the car wasn't going to crap out next week...I doubt it would have but nonetheless I need to look at it that way.
Life is too short and precious to get all wound up in the minutia of the drama, I need to remember that and think about that every day. I think this is also teaching me not to dwell on the negative like I used to...the things that come to mind are things such as my old sponsee who still ignores me when I see him at meetings and doesn't apologize for his shitty behavior to me...This also could apply to a friend who I used to be really close with who we are no longer on speaking terms, because we just drifted apart...who is on here. It would be nice ot rekindle that friendship because we used to be so close, if it happens it happens.
I know this might sound like a bunch of hooey to most of you who read this, but I really think that this has probably mellowed me out and hopefully has made me a better person and to finally chill the F out.
Hey if you got all the way through this and it makes sense to you..more power too you, you know where I'm coming from...and no...I'm not on my drug cocktail from this weekend.
Just so you know, the hospital on sunday gave me ibuprofen, valium and percocet...which I still have some of....it was nice...Mr. Sleepyhead.
Alright, enough already...thank you god that I'm alive and well and not sitting in a hospital with injuries and that my back is ok....you don't know how greatful I am for that.
